Recruiting is Like Dating
January 2, 2024
I’ve always found it funny that the steps in recruiting are so much like dating - from that first nervous phone call through all the subsequent stages - filled with anticipation and doubts. As I begin this series of recruiting related articles, I thought it would be fun to put recruiting side by side with my other favorite thing - movies.
Thankfully, it’s been awhile since I’ve dated. I’ve been with my husband for nearly twenty years. I definitely remember the fun and the anxiety of dating, though. Here are a few of the steps in the recruiting process that remind me of the dating experience.
The first date (aka recruiter phone screen). My favorite part of the experience as a recruiter is the phone screen. In fact, I like to say I give great phone screen. As a junior recruiter, I had my list of questions I needed to ask. Building rapport was not necessarily part of the process, as those calls were full of the anxiety of either having the candidate not want to move forward, or not having all the information I needed to submit them. Once I got over this, and was able to relax and not be nervous myself, I found I could build rapport throughout the calls and have a lot of fun in the process.
In the movie La La Land, Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling have an amazing first date, where they share their common interests (she loves musicals, and wants to star in one, he loves to play jazz music, even if others don’t seem interested anymore) and the connections that spark in that first date literally take them into a dance.
My friend Marcus Edwardes has a favorite expression, “Don’t rush your prospects down the aisle.” What this means is even if you have that magical phone screen and you think your candidate is a perfect fit, you can’t fall in love with just one. You must build a full pipeline, and like dating - play the waiting game along the way. The process is two sided, and you don’t know what the other person is going through on the other side.
Which leads me to another great movie, Notting Hill. When Hugh Grant’s William has his amazing date with Julia Roberts’ Anna Scott, he gets all swept up in the feelings, only to find he has to wait over a year, (and until nearly the end of the movie!) before she’s ready to be with him. The heartbreak of real life relationships is obviously greater than waiting for that job, but trust me, a lot of the same anxiety exists. There’s money and ego involved.
That waiting game is worth it, because once you get to the end - and if you’ve done it correctly - you know you’ve both evaluated the other options out there, and made the right choice based on what you’d set out to find in the first place. The waiting was worth it in the end.
More often than not, the experience ends up in rejection. And for the candidates that have gone the full distance, those always felt the most painful. Like a real breakup call, where you’re trying to do the right thing and not hurt the other person in the process. I’ve had calls with candidates where we’ve gone through the whole “where did we go wrong” “what could we have done differently” and “I hope we’ll see each other again.” If you take the emotion out of the rejections, it’s easier to remember that it just wasn’t the right fit.
I know all of my recruiting peers out there will close out their candidates in the right way, finding ways to create appropriate candidate experiences even in the difficult parts of the process. As Diane Cort did in her extremely polite breakup with Lloyd Dobler, in an all time favorite Say Anything. Sadly, Lloyd didn’t take it well at the moment, but spoiler - it all worked out in the end.
What’s the takeaway in all of this? We don’t meet the right match without putting ourselves out there, showing our true selves, and relaxing enough to enjoy the process. In the end, I hope I’ve created some memorable experiences for my candidates, with more of the dancing and less of the anxiety. What about you? I’d love to hear your “recruiting is like dating” examples, whether fun or horror stories.
This is the beginning of a series of articles I’ll be publishing this year, and I hope you’ve enjoyed the first. I love talking about recruiting, and will approach these articles from recruiting, candidate and hiring points of view. I’ve always said every recruiter has their own way of approaching their process, and I find all perspectives so interesting.
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That’s So Interesting is a passion project series of articles on the recruiting, candidate and hiring experience. I’m also available for consulting assignments large and small, including executive search, contingency engagements, and TA or HR leadership strategy.
